Dr Gabriel Uguru and Dr Gabriel Uguru
By Gabriel Uguru
One bright sunny day, three guys were arguing amongst themselves. One was a quarrelsome person who was still living in the 5th Century BC and heard voices; he believed that God was an estate agent who had given him other people’s land to inherit. Another was a religious nut who liked to dish out fatwas on anything contrary to his beliefs. The third was a self-righteous and opinionated guy, bent upon world domination, who liked to create chaos and call it freedom.
To make the story easier to follow, we shall call these guys America, Israel, and Iran. I will leave it to you, dear reader, to assign them the character traits mentioned above.
America: Israel and I are going to bomb you because you are trying to build the bomb.
Join our WhatsApp ChannelIran: But Israel has the bomb.
Israel, his face deadpan: No comment.
Iran: But I do not want the bomb. I placed a fatwa on it a long time ago.
America: We don’t believe you. You are lying to us. We are going to bomb you.
Iran: But, America, you obliterated my nuclear programme in July of last year.
America: No, I didn’t.
Iran: Yes, you did. You told the whole world so.
America: I was just kidding then.
Iran: But I haven’t got the bomb.
Israel: Will you quit your useless protestations! It’s making me nervous and angry!
Iran, speaking aside: Gee, these guys are nuts. I kept telling them I don’t want the bomb, and I don’t have it, but they won’t listen.
Iran, speaking aloud: Ok guys, I was just messing about with you. I shall come clean. I have the bomb.
America and Israel: You are bluffing. You don’t have the bomb. We are going to bomb you for lying to us!
Iran: But I have just told you that I have the bomb!
America: That’s beside the point. Look at it this way, Iran, my man. I have the bomb, Israel has the bomb, and you have the bomb. It is no longer cool, man.
Israel: Yeah, it’s like, I have a Porsche, America has a Porsche, and you have a Porsche. It cheapens everything.
Iran: So, you guys are going to bomb me if I do not have the bomb?
America and Israel: Yes.
Iran: And you are still going to bomb me if I have the bomb?
America and Israel: Yes.
Iran: Ghosh. What do you guys want me to do?
America: We want you to just shut up and take it like a man. Quit complaining, man. It gets on our nerves. We simply don’t like you!
Israel: If you can hang and shoot yourself at the same time, that will mightily please us.
Iran: You guys want a piece of me? Ok, let’s dance!
READ ALSO: US-Israel vs Iran: Counting the Cost of an Unforeseen War
The fallout: The three guys are right now busy throwing bombs and missiles at each other. Each is giving as good as he gets. Welcome to dystopia.
P/S: The bomb means nuclear bomb.
