Dr Gabriel UguruIn continuing with our series of lighthearted non-science stories designed to entertain you over this festive period, here is the third and final instalment to welcome you into the New Year. Enjoy.
Theodore and Allison were childhood friends from San Diego in the USA, who grew up to become husband and wife. They were both brought up in the countryside and when Theodore’s father, Bill died, the farm passed onto him. Initially the farm was doing quite alright until it was hit with potato blight and drought. Suddenly the couple started struggling, and on top of that Allison developed cancer and had only a short time to live. The couple had five young children and Theodore was finding it extremely difficult to cope with everything. He loved his wife dearly and the reciprocation was there. One day after attending to Allison and making sure she was comfortably relaxed in bed, he gave her a piece of paper dated and signed by him. Alison read the contents, smiled and kissed her husband before tucking the paper underneath her head, and shortly after that she passed away peacefully and with a joyous smile on her face.
- At her burial, Theodore made sure she was buried with that piece of paper clasped in her hands. Six months after his wife passed away, Theodore was struggling to bring in some bags of hay from the rain into the barn when somebody appeared to him.
“How do, Theo?” The stranger addressed him familiarly.
Theodore was surprised and wondered how a total stranger knew his name.
“I am ok,” he responded timidly.
“No, you are not. Your wife died six months ago, your farm is bankrupt and you are struggling to feed your children,” the stranger rattled all Theodore’s life’s woes in one sentence.
“My troubles are non of your business,” he replied truculently. “Who are you by the way?”
“I am the Devil,” the stranger replied pleasantly, “and I have come to make a deal with you.”
“I am not interested,” Theodore told him, nonchalantly.
The Devil shrugged his shoulders. “It’s no skin off my nose but I was thinking you could do with a bit of cash, y’know, put a decent meal on the table for your children, buy them some new clothes, and still have a bit leftover saved for their future. How old are you? You are fifty but you look seventy-five. At the rate you are going it wouldn’t be long before you die needlessly of hard work and poverty.”
The Devil turned and pretended to be walking away.
“Wait a minute, Satan, let’s not be hasty about this. Take a seat and let’s have a proper chat, I could be persuaded if the deal is to my liking.”
So the Devil took a seat and Theodore brought a second seat and over drinks and smoke between them they trashed out a deal signed by both parties. The deal was that the Devil promised to make Theodore rich and in exchange Theodore forfeits his soul to him, which he shall possess in five years’ time.
A year after his encounter with the Devil, Theodore was a rich man owning several ranches and houses. Being of an astute and cunning disposition, he invested his money in physical structures and have them insured, including his life. At the end of the five-year period down to the last second, the Devil appeared and demanded his soul. But Theodore would have non of it. He protested and refused to relinquish his soul to the Devil. The later was sure of his ground as he had the signed document of the transaction between him and Theodore, but just to humour Theodore and more of a showoff in front of God, he took Theodore to the celestial court. The Devil presented his case to God and as a supporting evidence deposited to the heavenly court the signed document. Theodore was called to plead his case, and was told that he was free to pick anybody he cared for to represent him, past, present and future, which meant that he could call on Jesus, Aristotle, Socrates, St. Paul or even Einstein (still unborn then) to plead his case but he chose to represent himself and pled innocent.
God showed him the document. “Is this not your signature here?” God asked him.
“Yes, it is, my Lord,” he replied humbly.
“Then why did you refuse your soul to the Devil?”
“Because I did not have any soul to give to him.”
The heavenly court was abuzz.
“Order, Order, Order in Court,” called God, then turning to Theodore he asked, “Did I not give you a soul when I created you?”
“You did, my Lord,” Theodore acknowledged..
“Then explain yourself my young man. What did you do with the soul I gave you.”
“I sold it, my Lord.”
The Devil smirked and rubbed his hands with glee.
“Then why did you not allow the Devil to take his due?”
“Because I could not sell what I did not have.”
The heavenly court was stunned into silence. The Devil’s smirk was turning into a grimace.
“And what do you mean by that?” God asked Theodore.
“You see my Lord, I had already sold my soul to my wife before I met the Devil.”
Alice was called to testify, and she showed the heavenly court the piece of paper Theodore gave her shortly before she died, and in which was written and signed:
This day 23rd of September of the year of our Lord 1819 I, Theodore Bill, hereby sold my soul to my good wife, Allison Theodore Bill, for the price of a kiss.
The charge was dismissed and the Devil was asked to take back his wealth. Within the space of a week Theodore lost all his houses and ranches to mysterious fires but he was insured and recouped his losses with his insurance!
*(Story culled from “Jokes and Short Stories to Brighten Your Day” by Gabriel Chukwuemeka Uguru; in preparation).
Here’s wishing you a more rewarding year ahead. Happy New Year.
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