Dr Gabriel Uguru
This is the 107th article since the start of this column exactly 3 years ago. To celebrate, here’s a little joke for those with a sense of humour:
A week ago, NASA shocked the scientific community by announcing for sale the Moon rover they had been working on for years. This announcement came barely a month after the last finishing touch was put on the robot. The Artemis lunar rover called the VIPER (Volatiles Investigating Polar Exploration Rover), was the size of a golf cart and was originally designed to map and drill for ice at the Moon’s South Pole. At the time its troubles began, it had gobbled up almost US$450 up from the initial estimated cost of US$250 million back in 2019 and would require many more hundreds of millions of dollars to get it fully commissioned for its 100-Earth-day mission in search of ice and other lunar resources. This meant that NASA would have had to stop funding other projects if it were to continue work on the Moon rover project. And this came at a time the USA was in a very bad financial shape.
Join our WhatsApp ChannelPrior to making the announcement to sell the Moon rover, the NASA administrator, Senator Bill Nelson, had a telephone conversation with President Joe Biden.
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Bill Nelson (on the phone): Hi, my Presido (he was on first name terms with Biden, and “Presido” was his pet name for him).
Joe Biden: Who is this?
Bill Nelson: NASA
Joe Biden: Oh my God, the Egyptian guy, Nasser! I thought you died in 1970?
Bill Nelson: No, that was Gamal Nasser. I meant NASA, as in your National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I am Senator Bill Nelson the Administrator; don’t you recognise my voice?
Joe Biden: Oh, Bill, why didn’t you say so before, instead of clowning around? What can I do for you?
Bill Nelson: We are having a tiny problem with the VIPER.
Joe Biden: Surely, even you can handle a little snake issue. I am no snake charmer, why come to me?
Bill Nelson: No, no, no, my Presido, perhaps you misunderstood me, I meant the Moon rover.
Joe Biden: Gotcha ya. When are you launching it?
Bill Nelson: That’s the problem I wanted to discuss with you, my Presido. I am afraid we might need some extra fund, say about $400 million more to complete it.
Joe Biden: $400 million?
Bill Nelson: Yes, and just so I don’t keep coming back to you for more fund, shall we round it up to $500 million? That should about do it.
Joe Biden: Are you out of your mind? We have been printing money like mad, still we are running out of it. Our debt stands at about $35 trillion, which we are servicing with almost a $1 trillion per annum!
Bill Nelson: But my Presido, this is important.
Joe Biden: Important to whom? Whose big idea was it, anyway?
Bill Nelson: Perhaps, my Presido, I should remind you that we are competing with Russia, China, India, and a host of other space exploration players, including the EU.
Joe Biden: F**k the EU. Those SoBs are freeloaders and are part of the reason our economy is tanking. They are always getting us into wars but refuse to bear the cost of their security. I have a mind to pull out of Europe altogether and leave those SoBs to the tender mercies of Russia and China! I’ve never seen anything like it. Imagine the Europeans threatening Russia and China with my army?!
Bill Nelson: Shocking! But my Presido, we need to get this project completed as soon as possible.
Joe Biden: Sell the damn thing to whoever is mad and stupid enough to buy it. I fail to see how exploring and drilling for ice in the Moon is our immediate concern right now. Such things are luxuries we can currently barely afford.
Bill Nelson: Selling the VIPER, my Presido, is not a good idea, perhaps we can trim some fat if we stop haemorrhaging money in Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan. And what good are all those hundreds of useless military bases we are building and maintaining abroad when we could use the money here at home?
Joe Biden: You clearly display an astonishing political naivety with your suggestions. If we go by them, there will be peace breaking out everywhere in the world, our military industrial complex will go bankrupt, and our economy will really be on its knees. We wouldn’t want that to happen, would we?! Sell the damn Moon rover and use the money for other worthwhile projects, or still, you could plough it into my *reelection campaign fund, if you really wanted to protect American democracy from Donald Trump. I tell you, that guy is mad, and I wouldn’t put it past him not to take a wrecking ball to our democracy.
Bill Nelson: Ok, my Presido, I shall do as you say.
Joe Biden: That’s a good man, let me know how things go, ok?
Bill Nelson: Will do, my Presido.
Joe Biden (hanging up the phone and excitedly shouting over his shoulder): Kamala! Can I have more ice cream, please.
Kamala Harris (in a mellifluous voice): A bowl of ice cream coming up, Joe. Do you want strawberries and cherries with it?
Joe Biden: Surprise me.
Kamala Harris (chuckling): I know just how you like it, Joe.
Joe Biden: That’s my Veepee, keep it coming, keep it coming, ma’am.
*This fictional telephone conversation happened shortly before President Joe Biden pulled out of his reelection bid.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke and shouldn’t be misconstrued as anything else.
