Uri Ngozichukwuka
Sociocultural, and Socioeconomic musical chairs. In those days men came home from “the abroad” and married young girls. These days “advanced” women come home from “advanced” countries to marry “used up men.”
There’s just no way of putting this coyly or apologizing for wanting for a better expression. That doesn’t even come to play here. It is what it is.
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The operating words here are “advanced” and “used up”. The scenario is the musical chairs game occasioned by new Socioeconomic and sociocultural realities.
When I captured the first scenario in my first book Sakadelli “so when is it okay” under a title ” retirement plan” , I outlined how it has become a norm, so acceptable in our clime for several decades.
The youngman goes abroad. After his studies, gets a job and works very hard to legitimize his stay. He either gets a green blue or red card. Mostly by marrying from the country of his sojourn, then proceeds to divorce her once his stay or citizenship is legalized and heads back home for an Nkechi or Bola to take back overseas as his wife.
Women have always been the pun in these games. Either he is marrying her for her nationality which comes with economic ease or he is coming home to marry her to fulfill his cultural obligations of marrying from his home town and bearing him “real African children” (Meanwhile, he has scattered children everywhere). This marriage is also his “retirement plan” because he would have passed his productive years so she is brought over and put to work in two ways. Child bearing and most times nursing school which is the guaranteed fattest and fastest cash cow of the west.
Although there has been several very fatal friction over the years regarding this arrangement, that is not the point of this article.
Last month, I ran into a former church member. Ebony black and beautiful woman Oroma. I remember my shock when I realized she had five children back then. I was glad to run into her and quickly asked after her brood and her lovely hubby.
They were such a cute couple. She also happily asked after my children too. We all assured each other our kids were fine. Then she drops the bombshell her husband Mathew has moved out of the house to join a rich nurse in the US.
He told her he was tired of the grind and marriage and wanted to move on after 26 long years with grown children. She further threw light on the whole scenario. How the lady got an apartment for her husband and furnished it to the teeth with a car to the bargain. How she sponsors his ” soft life” like they say and has sponsored his trip to join her in the US. Ahhhh he became a ” babyboy” instantly. Can’t say I blame him fatherhood is not for boys. Father to five children?
Well I sympathized with her because I had to. It was nothing new and frankly although that was somehow familiar with me I was never in need of sympathy.
I faced it headlong and stuck to my choices and have lived through it all with four children.
Oroma and I are not the only women in this new rising sociocultural and socioeconomic realities.
More and more men are becoming emasculated due to the harsh economic environment. As well as more and more men are not at all perturbed about switching roles with women. They want to be taken care of by women too.
More women like me and Oroma have been forced to become masculine women. Playing dual roles and for someone like me that believes in the wholesome development of children, I have been on a hyper overdrive to push, put on a brave face all the time because it’s your face that the children see. The other party is living the ” soft life” “baby boy” elsewhere without a care for the children.
Then you also have to face those who wonder why you are not married with children. Plus the little judgements here and there.
Anyway back to this new Musical chairs.
This is a trend that started about a decade ago and it’s growing by the minute.
“Used up” men hoping to be rescued by “advanced women” from overseas to escape their marital responsibilities. You would be surprised at the number of men privately chatting up women abroad.
As for the “advanced women,” they are either divorced too or have never been married but are very comfortable and can provide solid stability for a man who is struggling down here to meet his obligations. They both match in the order of need. One wants warmth, company and legitimacy. The other wants comfort and can provide the other with warmth, company, plus marriage. It’s a perfect match.
I am certainly not holding sway for men who are tired and want out. Truth be told we always want out on so many occasions but we still continue the “grind” knowing that the feelings of wanting out do come and go. Our decisions should not be based on such temporary or fleeting moments. We stay. We respect the people in our lives. We make it work instead of taking the high road towards a “soft life.”
Howbeit we can’t but see life itself is indeed a game of musical chairs.
Yesterday the men came down. Now the Nkechis and Helens are coming for the Mathews and Dapos.
Let the music play
Uri Ngozichukwuka
